“I’m really scared. A friend asked me if I really want to be here. He meant if I really wanted to be in this new job and this new lifestyle, but what I thought about was if I really even wanted to be on the planet. I’m afraid I’ve made a really big mistake.” Andrew, who had just made some major changes in his life, was calling between our regular coaching sessions.

In an extra session a few hours later, we explored what was happening to him. He loved his new job, his new house had some problems but was generally delightful, and people were welcoming him to his new community. Everything was going even better than he had anticipated. Why the sudden panic when nothing was really wrong?

We both recognized his fear and uncertainty. When we started our coaching relationship we had seen it frequently, but as he clarified his goals and carried through the steps to make them happen, his self-confidence had grown. Now he was regressing. When I explained that regression, going back to earlier (negative) feelings, was a normal reaction to major change, he began to relax.

Regression is a natural response to progression. It is how we all learned to explore the world when we were children. Babies crawl away from their parents, try new things, suddenly discover they are alone, hurry back for a refueling hug, and crawl off again. The cycle is repeated over and over again. Adults feel the same way, but usually think it is a sign of weakness to need the equivalent of a parental hug. It isn’t! Noticing needs, and making sure they are managed is necessary for growth.

When I asked what support he needed to resolve his regression, he remembered pushing aside sad feelings about leaving his old friends. He decided to take time from organizing his new home to make some calls and catch up with his friends. Three days later, during his regular call, he was feeling great.

Coaching Tip: When a client seems to be regressing, ask these questions. “What is the big step forward that led to this regression?” “What kind of support do you need to feel okay again?”

Additional Information: Free Mini-Course: Integrity — Use It or Lose It!

Last 5 posts by Laurie Weiss

• Fear of Success May Look Like Something Else - November 13th, 2007
• Netiquette Notes - October 28th, 2007

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 30th, 2007 at 6:25 pm and is filed under Personal Development, Vision/Goals/Plans, Motivation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.