Networking And Attraction, by Lorraine Cohen (@lorrainecohen)

I meet a lot of different people both socially and professionally. Being self -employed, I'm at many business mixers and networking events. Whether for professional reasons or casual conversation, the question "What do you do?" comes up. The answer is usually your 30-60 second elevator speech... Hi, My name is .... I work for/my company is ..... I help people.......Sometimes the response goes on for more than 60 seconds.

Last week I was at a mixer and was called over by a colleague to meet a gentleman to whom she was speaking. With my name tag on, I walked over and extended my hand. Next - the question " So what do you do?" I have several short responses that invite questions if people want to know more. He didn't. My turn came up to ask him the same question. After learning about his profession (financial services) in about 6O seconds, I asked him a question to learn more about who he was. His answer was to tell me about how good he was at his job, how happy his clients were with his services and so on for 10 -15 minutes. I stopped hearing him after the first few minutes as I looked for a polite way to excuse myself. Know what I mean? During the entire conversation he never asked me anything that showed any curiosity in knowing who I am. It felt more like listening to an advertisement instead of having a conversation. It was all about HIM! Then he gave me his card, asked for referrals and said he'd get in touch with me. It was a total turnoff. Sound familiar?

Here's my 64 cents. People like to be talked to not talked at. If your focus in networking is only to get clients to build YOUR business, that's what people will pick up. That may work with some people. Remember, the first thing people buy is you not your product or service.

Have you met people who have shown a genuine interest in you/your needs? What was that like? Did you feel a connection or want to affiliate with them? Would they have been people you would want as friends? And if that person had a service or product something you needed, would you want to buy from them? If your intent is to forge strategic alliances and build relationships with people, take a look at the way you're coming across and the agenda (expectations, desired results) you bring in meeting people in any situation. Creating connections naturally opens the door to referrals. If you knew of someone great who would be of help to folks in your life, would you keep that person a secret? This is Attraction not a technique to be more effective in business.

Three Attraction Tips:

Be real - be yourself with people. * If you don't know who you are or how to be real, contact me. I'll help you figure that out!
Be genuinely curious in learning about people in casual or business situations. Listen for how many times you make "I" statements to draw the focus consistently back to you. Good conversations have a back and forth flow vs. being a captive audience.
Really listen by staying present to what's being said. Practice active listening. Asking question that refer to people's comments invites conversation.

Three Networking Tips:

1. Only offer your card when someone asks for it. Ask for their card if you want it.
2. If you want to give your card but haven't been asked - you can say " May I give you my card?"
3. When given a card, hold it in both hands and say something about the card ( I like the color, very striking) before putting it in your pocket or purse.

* If you meet someone you'd like to know better, invite them for coffee!

Last comment.....I'm a big believer in forging relationships and building a community of support. You can quote me - "What we can do alone is nothing compared to what we can do together" - Lorraine Cohen


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