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One of the ways I've been described is a "solo-preneur". When I first heard the term, I loved the title: I had visions of myself striding into the business jungle, machete in hand, the noble hero cutting a path through impenetrable undergrowth and finding the source of the Nile or the business equivalent of such a prize...

Now I realize there's an inherent flaw tangled up in that description: it's impossible to be successful by yourself. Even though our culture tends to celebrate the individual � in recent weeks we've had the Winter Olympics and the Oscars, both events primarily focused on solo success � the truth is no one does it by themselves.

I know that I'm an on-going victim of this "Superman Syndrome", and recently I've been asking myself why I find it hard to ask for help. Here are five points of uncertainty that I've found, the drivers behind them, and the powerful questions that can open things up:

I don't know what to ask for

• I don't know what success is for this project
  • If you "fast forward" 30 days, what would success look like?
  • If you "fast forward" 90 days, what would success look like?
• I don't know what my "genius work" looks like
  • What, for this project, can you and you alone do?
  • What's left?

I do know what to ask for, I just don't want to ask

• I don't want to lose control.
  • What don't you trust about others?
  • What don't you trust about yourself?
  • What's the price you pay for keeping control?
• I want all the credit.
  • What's the cost of taking all the credit?
• I like the struggle.
  • How does being in 'the struggle' reinforce your self image?
  • How is it a comfort zone for you?
  • What's the cost of continuing to struggle?

I do know what to ask for, I don't know who to ask

• I don't know how to start
  • Who do you know?
  • Who do they know?
• I don't know what to say?
  • What's the simplest thing to say?
  • What would you say if you had no fear?

I do know who to ask, I'm afraid that they'll say no

• I'm afraid of rejection
  • When someone says no, what do you think that says about you?
  • Is that true?
  • What are reasons, other than they don't like you, that are behind that no?
  • When someone asks you for help, what do you typically do?

I do know who to ask, I'm afraid that they'll say yes

• I'm afraid that I'm imposing on them
  • How are you protecting them?
  • What's the lie here?
• I'm afraid I'll be obligated
  • What might you owe?
  • What if "obligated" was reframed as creating a relationship with someone"?
• I'm afraid of being successful
  • What does success look like?
  • What are you afraid of?
  • What's the cost of "playing small"?

"Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being
something helpless that wants help from us."
Rainer Maria Rilke

Two other perspectives on this:

• Ben Dean, the founder of Mentor Coach, shares a way of accessing your social network (one of the key indicators of happiness)
• Molly Gordon of Shaboom! talks about discovering a new and unexpected source of support, "an adventure for someone who's been chronically self-sufficient"

If you need further help, download the Action Acceleration Sheet . You'll see that it offers a process to help you move from stuck to unstuck � and one of the steps of the process is asking "what support do I need?"

(Thanks to Sue Edwards of Development by Design for the initial spark of inspiration for this article)