The Confident Leader

Best Selling author, Dr. Larina Kase tells us how to become confident leaders during her The Confident Leader: How the Most Successful People Go from Effective to Exceptional Book Tour.

1. As business owners, why do we need to become confident leaders?

Whether you own a business of 1 (you) or 1,000, you are the leader—of yourself, your business, your life. As a leader, your confidence will determine what you achieve as well as how others respond to you and your business.

In terms of business growth, your confidence will enable you to take on key challenges in growing your business, such as:

• Describing the benefits of your business and educating others why they should do business with you.
• Getting yourself to do the marketing activities that you want to avoid (things like public speaking, networking, running a blog) but you know would help you build your business.
• Inspiring others (your employees, virtual assistants, contractors) to stay motivated and see the big picture.
• Presenting your business from a standpoint of conviction and value (which attracts others and makes them want to do business with you) rather than insecurity or desperation.
  

2. How can we tell if we (or others) lack confidence?

The number one thing to look for is avoidance. When people have confidence, they will take on all sorts of things, feeling secure that even if they “fail,” they’ll work it out. On the other hand, when we lack confidence, we tend to avoid situations when we fear we could fail, embarrass ourselves, or let ourselves or others done.

Keep in mind that avoidance can be subtle. It may not be as obvious as declining to participate in a project. More often, we’ll attempt something but do it half-heartedly or rely on crutches.

For example, let’s say that you lack confidence in your ability to introduce yourself. You may not avoid it (you know you can’t sit there and say nothing), but you use the crutches of speaking really fast, looking down, and not saying an interesting fact about yourself.

Or let’s say that someone lacked confidence about confronting people and having difficult conversations. She may attempt to confront someone but she tries so hard to be nice and not offend that person (her crutch) that she lacks assertiveness and doesn’t express her needs.

3. What if we come across as too confident?

Many people worry about appearing arrogant and would rather appear less confident than over-confident. In reality, it is often a lack of confidence that makes people come across as over-confident.

When we lack confidence, we tend to overcompensate. And it is the overcompensation makes people look over-confident (or look like they’re trying too hard) and puts others off.

If someone is worried that he will come across as unintelligent, he’ll try to use fancy language, and will look like he thinks he’s so smart. If someone worries that she will come across as boring, she will try to be interesting, and will look like she loves to talk about herself.

There are exceptions. Sometimes people actually are arrogant and have an inflated image of themselves. You would know if this were you because you’d think that you can do no wrong, your opinion of yourself would be higher than others (you’d be shocked by Bs on papers or performance reviews that were not 100% glowing). You’d dominate conversations and not be interested in others’ viewpoints. If this is you, then these things need to change. If this is not you, then you really don’t need to worry.

4. What are 3 simple things we can do to build our confidence?




5. What are 5 ways to make yourself exceptional to stand out in a tough market?

Become an expert. Pick one aspect of your work and make yourself an expert in it, such as “the woman who gracefully handles difficult customers”. This makes you invaluable.

Speak in specifics. Market the results of your work by highlighting outcomes and data. This type of self-marketing delivers value without coming across as self-promotional.

Tell stories. Stories engage others and make you memorable. Show your value by telling the success stories of your clients or customers.

Step up as the leader. During fearful times you’re tempted to fly under the radar, but this makes you dispensable. Instead, pick a project you are qualified to lead and take charge.

Take ownership. When you’re anxious, fear of failure increases and you don’t want to be blamed for problems. Unfortunately responsibility-shirking undermines your confidence in yourself and others’ trust in you.

6.   Why do we know what we need (and even want to do) but we don’t do it?

We high-achieving types are great consumers of knowledge. We always want to learn more and be our best, but most of the time we struggle with turning our knowledge into action. There are many reasons for this, including:

• The timing isn’t right
• We don’t have the right support or other resources
• We aren’t committed to making the change
• We don’t yet have the skills to successfully take action
  

These reasons can be legitimate and important to consider and manage, or they can be excuses. The #1 reason that we don’t take action is fear. We doubt ourselves and get paralyzed with indecision. When fear is active, these reasons all feel very legitimate, when in reality they are not important.

The key, then, is to critically evaluate your readiness to take action when you are not feeling particularly anxious about the change. If you need to address these factors, do so, and while you have momentum, start taking action!

7. What are the keys to making difficult decisions?

There are essentially two processes at our disposal for making decisions. The fist is rational (based on our thoughts), and the second is emotive (based on our feelings). The second includes the feelings that you’re aware of (excited, interested, skeptical, unsure, afraid, etc.) as well as your intuition or gut feeling.

We owe it to ourselves to use both of these processes when faced with a difficult decision. First, assess your gut reaction. What feels right? Then go through a logical analysis, weighing the pros and cons. Then assess your emotional reaction again. Has it changed?

Bear in mind that much of the research on decision making shows that people are happier with their decisions when they go with their gut reaction or follow their heart. This may be because we try to rationalize our decisions based on what we think we “should” do, but it’s sometimes difficult to change our feelings based on reason.

Our feelings are most helpful in making a decision when they are positive ones. Positive feelings (happiness, liking, interest) compel us toward something while negative feelings (fear, sadness, jealousy) compel us away from something. For example, if you are nervous your feelings may tell you to avoid taking action when in reality this is not the best choice.

So, when in doubt, or if you’re stuck, go with your feelings, especially if they are positive ones.

8. What role do public speaking and presentation skills and confidence in front of an audience play in someone being a Confident Leader?

Communication skills are crucial for Confident Leadership. Formal presentation skills (speaking before an audience) are critical, as is the ability to think on your feet and spontaneously answer questions and make decisions, and the ability to have casual conversations where you connect to others.

Without strong communication it is impossible to influence others with your ideas.  The most important aspect of communication for Confident Leadership is your nonverbal skills. It’s not what you say as much as how you say it. Your nonverbal skills include body language (facial expression, posture, eye contact) as well as your voice tone (does it sound warm, powerful?), speed (fast enough to have energy but slow enough to be clear), volume (is it sufficiently loud without being overpowering?), and articulation (do you slur your words together?).

Communication is in the eye of the beholder, so it’s important that your nonverbal communication resonate with those with whom you’re speaking. For example, if your audience is high energy salespeople, you need to mirror this energy level with a louder voice and faster pace.

Leaders’ emotions are contagious to others. If a leader is nervous, others will feel uncomfortable. This is why it is so important that leaders have authentic confidence, while presenting, while having conversations, and in all situations.

9. How do we have through the comfort zone to move into new and varied avenues of marketing, such as writing or online networking?

Most of my clients who are owners of professional services firms have several aspects of marketing that they’d like to avoid. Common areas include public speaking in person, hosting teleseminars, and getting involved with social media.

There are 3 steps to getting going in uncomfortable marketing venues:

1)  Make sure that the marketing avenue is one that is likely to reach your target audience and have great result. There is no point pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone if the marketing activity is not the best one. It is crucial that your marketing activity fit into your overall business strategy and that you commit to it (rather than trying out a whole bunch of random things).

2)  Prepare and get support. Your concern may be about wasting a lot of time learning something, and it may be valid. If you aren’t sure how to set up a blog, get started on Facebook, or start your ezine, it’s worth it to learn from someone who knows.

3)  After you get going, raise the bar for yourself. Let’s say your goal is to offer a once-monthly teleclass. At first, make it your goal just to do it and get comfortable in that venue. Then, raise the bar by making it your goal to include a strong call to action. Then, raise the bar again by including a brief sales pitch at the end.

Is your new book The Confident Leader just for leaders?

It’s really about personal leadership- being the leader in your business, career community, and life. It’s for the person who wants to take charge, push their own boundaries, surprise themselves with what they are actually capable of, and make a real difference in the world. You can get it plus lots of valuable bonuses here.