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Self-Care

When your reflexes kick in and the adrenaline starts pumping, you are beginning to hear the fight or flight alarm go off. Before the alarm is triggered, you can manage your stress and improve your health by following these tips.

1.    Breathe slowly, then explain how you feel. You've been waiting 10 minutes at the end of a grocery store line. Just as it's your turn, the clerk plops a "closed" sign on the checkout counter and rudely motions you to another line. You start to boil.

Instead:  Tell yourself that the silly clerk isn't worth a churning stomach (or whatever the stress is doing to your body). Slowly inhale for a count of five, hold for a count of five and exhale for a count of ten. Continue breathing this way until you feel calmer.

Then speak to the clerk about this conduct. Don't accuse him or her of rudeness - it's likely to make the person defensive. Rather, explain how you feel:  "It's unfair and frustrating for me to wait patiently at the end of a line for 10 minutes only to be told to wait in another line." You'll feel better after airing your feelings and asserting your rights.

2.    Practice relaxation daily. Your daughter is crying because she's about to miss the school bus and your son has spilled his cereal all over himself. They're going to be late for school, you may miss a meeting and you're completely frazzled.

Instead:  Slow down! Take several slow, deep breaths. Force yourself to smile. Remember, in a day or so you'll probably look back and chuckle. Maybe you can eliminate the wait - laugh now! These things happen. Life will go on if they miss class or if you miss a meeting. Our nerves only fray when we let them.

3.    Learn to say NO. A fellow worker asks you to help her out with a job when you're already swamped. You don't want to offend her, so you say yes, even though you fear you won't be able to cope with the extra load. You secretly feel angry with the other worker for putting you on the spot.

Instead:  Say no. It's not a dirty word. Everyone has to say no at times in order to stay sane. In this case, you can add: "I wish I could help you, but I have too much work of my own to do. I'm sorry." And, good grief, don't feel guilty - you must take care of yourself to be any good to anybody else!

4.    Take your foot off the gas. You're in a hurry to get to work, so you keep accelerating to hit green lights before they turn red. This time, however, there's a slow driver blocking your way. The light turns red just as you get to it. You fume, knowing you could have made it through if the other driver had gone faster.

Instead:  Try putting yourself in the other driver's place. He has a right to drive slower than you. Maybe he simply enjoys taking it easy in the car. And maybe you should, too. He probably gets to work feeling relaxed, while you roll in like a coiled spring. Is beating red lights really worth endangering your health?

5.    Take one thing at a time. Your boss has given you a major project, without the time to do it. You feel like quitting.

Instead:  If you're upset, try to simmer down - take a stroll or talk about it with a friend. When you're feeling calm, explain your problem to the boss.

If he or she still won't reduce your workload, tackle it one task at a time. Don't think about the whole project or you may feel too burdened to function. If you don't succeed in completing the work, tell yourself that Rome wasn't built in a day, no matter how badly the emperors wanted it. After work, forget about the project until you return - you did the best you could in the time available.

6.    Give in sometimes. In the last week, you've argued with the neighbor over his dog, with your spouse over housework and with an office mate over ordering supplies. You feel you're right in all cases.

Instead:  Give in sometimes, especially if the issue isn't crucial - even if you think you're right. Try to see the issue through the other person's eyes. Being upset and tense is a high price to pay for insisting on always "being right."

7.    Find a creative outlet and escape for a while. Your son walked through the house in cleats, ruining the freshly refinished floor. He's been corrected, but you still feel angry.

Instead:  Escape for a while. Go to a movie, read a good book, lose yourself in a game. Once you anger subsides, you'll be able to see things in perspective - you've got a scratched floor, but you also have a healthy, active kid. Not a bad deal.

8.    Seek help when necessary. You dread spending every Thanksgiving at your in-laws' home. You and your spouse always end up having a blowup over it. The thought of another Thanksgiving like the last one gives you a headache.

Instead:  Try short-term counseling with your spouse. Ask your physician, clergyman or a friend for a referral. Even a few sessions can help you to solve this kind of problem. Don't let it fester.

Or:  As a working single parent, you're overwhelmed by the demands you face. You've been snapping at the kids and secretly crying at work.

Instead:  Join a group of single parents, a women's or men's support group or some other group of people who care about you and whom you can about. Your burden will be easier to bear when it's shared.

9.    Be aware. Notice how your own body signals you that it is feeling stressed.  Notice when your blood pressure is going up and your heart is pumping fast and hard, or your palms are sweating. You can't respond to stress to manage it unless you stop and become very aware of it.  On a daily basis, keep track of how often you are irritable, fatigued, restless, have a pain, sweaty palms, racing heart, are eating out of control, or have headaches.  As you begin to notice stress, you can begin to know how you respond to stress. You must know your own symptoms so you can tackle them.

10.    Listen to what others are telling you. Sometimes we don't see or feel the stress until it is too late. Pay attention to what others are telling you. Do they say you look tired or look upset, etc? By listening to their feedback you can identify stress and control it.

11.    Notice what your medical check-ups reveal. Just because you think you handle stress well, doesn't mean you do.  What does your medical check-up reveal about your blood pressure, thyroid and diseases? Physical symptoms of stress often show on medical exams.

12.    Have a good belly laugh every day. Laughter elevates the body's own painkillers and relieves stress.  Watch a funny show, listen to a funny tape,  read humorous books or go to a funny movie. Laughter really is good medicine.  Laughing raises your heart rate, stimulates circulation, exercises your diaphragm, abs, and other muscles, and increases production of certain hormones that serve as your body's natural painkillers.  Allow laughter at work and allow yourself to laugh at yourself. In other words, lighten up!

13.    Have something enjoyable to do every day. Develop a hobby or find outside interests that take your mind far off from your stress and engage in these interests every day.

14.     Develop a family or community of support. Talk to those you trust and develop strong social support systems.  Don't be a loner. Isolation has been tied to failure to cope adequately with stress, heightened vulnerability to illness and even premature death.

15.    Set aside "private time."  Something as simple as soaking in the tub can renew your mind and body. For added relaxation, turn down the lights and play some soft music.

16.    Learn relaxation techniques.  Read a book about it, or take a meditation or yoga class.  Here's one you can try at home. Find 15 minutes where you will not be disturbed to meditate, visualize, etc.  Sit in a comfortable chair, feet on the floor, arms at your sides.  Breathe in deeply, through your nose.  Then slowly release the air through your mouth and repeat an affirmation, like "Relax... Relax... Relax," or "I'm confident... I'm confident..." Continue breathing in and out, focusing on your word or phrase for the 15 minutes.  Visualize the person you want to be, already in possession of your goals.  If a worrisome thought pops up, acknowledge it, then re-focus on your breathing.

17.    Schedule "worry sessions."  Set aside a specific 15 minutes each day when you'll concentrate on everything that's bothering you.  When worries pop up during the day, save them for these 15 minutes.  Then picture yourself conquering a particular challenge.  It's not easy, but it's simple and it works.

18.    Keep a journal. New studies suggest that people who are able to write about their innermost feelings may enjoy better mental and physical health.  Writing is also a powerful tool that helps you organize your thoughts and make life a little bit easier.

19.    Relax with a scent. When you need to relax, take a whiff of lavender, geranium, sandalwood, rose or bergamot oil. Studies suggest these scents can promote calmness.

20.    Power naps.  15-20 minutes can be very energizing and rejuvenating.  Careful - more than 20 minutes and you'll wake up more tired than you were to begin with.

21.    Delegate.  On your weekly calendar, eliminate the least important tasks and activities.  Delegate household chores.  Have your spouse/significant other to the grocery shopping.  Even if things aren't done the way you want them done, it's important for everyone to pitch in so you don't feel like the Lone Ranger.

22.    Reward yourself.  Every day engage in a just-for-you activity, provided you accomplished something you set out to do for that day.  Rent a movie, read, gardening, etc.  You'll not only boost your self-esteem, you'll also enjoy the well deserved feelings of relaxation.

23.    Cry.  Feel better after a good cry?  Studies show that the tears you produce when you're anxious, upset, sad, or angry contain stress-relieving hormones.

24.    Get a body massage.  Various massage techniques reduce stress, loosen tight muscles, and rev up your energy.  Massage also helps release endorphins ("feel good" chemicals released by the brain), triggering relaxation.

25.    Be decisive. Indecision prevents you from taking action, causing a loss of a sense of control and thus intensifying stress.

26.    Be assertive. Stand up for your decisions, express your feelings, and disagree with others when you feel differently Give, as well as accept, compliments.

27.    Adapt your environment. Color, lighting and noise are all elements that engage and influence our senses. They can work against you, adding stress -- or for you, as environmental stress reducers.

28.    Encourage yourself. If you're inclined to blame yourself for your problems -- even when they're not your fault -- you may be guilty of negative self-talk, which is a great stress maker. Those who accept mishaps as largely routine and normal occurrences in life and who talk to themselves in positive terms about these events have higher self-esteem and much lower stress levels.

29.    Choose winners. Seek the company of those who are optimistic and have high self-esteem. They tend to have low stress levels and contribute to lower stress levels to those around them.

30.    Establish rituals. People who have high stress in their lives tend to live surrounded by mental and physical chaos. Establishing rituals can help prevent and reduce stress by saving time. It can be a comfort factor in times of stress when predictability and certainty reassure us that no matter how bad conditions get, some things remain constant.

31.    Nurture your spirituality. Religious or spiritual beliefs give us a context larger than ourselves, which can provide us with perspective when we are deeply stressed. Spirituality needn't take place in a formal place of worship. It may mean no more than communing with nature or taking quiet, reflective time out of your day to contemplate something more than life's mundane stresses.

32.    Be in control of your finances. A survey of 11,000 adults in Prevention magazine showed the number-one source of stress is worry over personal finances. Research also shows that people trying to maintain lifestyles they can't afford are more likely to have health problems.

33.    Don't procrastinate. It lessens productivity, not only compounding stress but also causing the stressful by-products of guilt, anger and low self-esteem. And the worse stress gets, the greater the tendency to procrastinate becomes.

34.    Live by lists. Having a daily written list of what you expect to do will help you become more realistic about your schedule and remind you of tasks you do not want to forget. By listing a task, you also relieve stress by removing the thought from your mind, which helps to lessen mental overload, a common occurrence in stressed people.

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