Have your own words ever shocked you?
Have you noticed that sometimes your story is not quite what you think it is?
What do you do when your story doesn’t have a happy end?
I was shocked as the words flew out of my mouth like a lethal weapon. I knew I had very strong feelings for him, but I didn’t imagine the ferocious force of the story that emerged. My whole body shook and he was stunned. We both were.
It started 6 months before. I was young and unattached. And I mean really unattached. I had been traveling for some time and taken a job locally.
We met at sunset, in the garden beside the water. We had all been eating strawberries and cream and the evening was beginning to get chilly.
I suggested Irish Coffee and he followed me into the kitchen. We started to talk. We started to laugh. We felt like we had known each other for centuries. We finished each other’s sentences.
Later than night as we were being driven home, our hands were side by side and I felt a physical craving to touch him. It was deep in my stomach, calling me from a place I didn’t even know existed until that moment.
One week later I left. I had a commitment to move on. It felt like I was being ripped apart. I traveled half way across that country before I realized that I had to go back.
When I arrived back at his house there was a note on the door – ‘if my greatest desire has come true, welcome’. I had come home.
If I describe the days of loving, laughing and crying from joy, it won’t make sense.
If I remember the hikes in landscape more stunning than I had ever seen before, it gets unclear.
If I relive the synchronicity and creativity that we shared, it seems like madness.
So when we knew we had to split up the story of how we were hurting each other seemed the only one we could tell. The only way to justify the pain and somehow make sense of it all was with accusations and anger.
They were just stories though.
In fact it’s all just a story.
How we love and live is all a story.
How people hurt us and give us pain is just a story.
How we know we need to be separate, is just a story.
And if the story is painful, stressful or uncomfortable, maybe it’s time to question it?
It’s time to tell a different story. And you know who needs to tell it, right?
It’s always you. Always your story.
It’s time to tell the stories we hardly dare to tell…and also to let them go.
What are you telling?