Finding time to manage your time and get the most out of each moment is a task that can sometimes run into unexpected roadblocks in the form of the people around you!
To make the very best use of your time, you need to figure out how to handle those “difficult personalities” who slow you down! Maybe they drag their heels, or they heap way too much responsibility on your shoulders. Perhaps they lean on you to bail them out, or they attempt to micro-manage you. Whatever others do, the good news is that you CAN reclaim your power over your time!
The formula is simple and powerful. Focus exclusively on implementing your own time choices. This is where you exercise all the control! Also, reduce stress by letting go of attempts to actively manage anyone else’s choices. Does this sound daunting? Here are some essential guidelines:
Difficult Personalities Cannot Take Your Time. No matter how annoyed you may be by others’ attempts to pressure you, you remain fully responsible for all your choices throughout the day. So focus on developing your ability to steer your own course. And affirm to yourself that you will deal with the consequences. This shift in orientation may feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first, but it will become second nature with practice.
You Can Manage Difficult Feelings About How Others Relate to You. As you work to develop your self-reference and assertiveness, new understandings emerge. Are you apprehensive about how others will react if you refuse to sacrifice your priorities? Might you feel threatened or guilty, if others express anger or disappointment? There is a guaranteed way to strengthen your position. Take complete responsibility for handling your own discomfort in the face of resistance. This is enormously freeing! As you respect others’ right to their feelings, you can remain centered. Your energy then goes to making good decisions for yourself instead of attempting to “fix things” for others.
Your Difficult Personalities May Regard YOU as a Difficult Personality. Incredible but true! In fact, the more you become embroiled in attempting to control the difficult personality in your life, the more likely it is that they view you as the problem. The next time someone behaves in a way that you find unreasonable, try shifting your mindset a little. What is their objective, and what is their perspective? When you don’t take their choices as a reflection of your worth, you can develop a neutral overview. Then you may identify areas that are open for negotiation. And the more you focus on implementing your choices rather than attempting to control their reactions, the less pushback you may encounter.
As you practice these steps over and over, you will experience these benefits firsthand! By lessening your investment in how others respond to your new time choices, you have fewer difficult feelings to manage. The less victimized you feel by what lies beyond your power, the more relaxed and focused you become. And as others sense that you no longer wish to control them, and that they can’t control you, they may even modify the behaviors you have found to be so annoying.
But most important, you will have accessed your core strength to change your life for the better. The power resides where the responsibility resides … and that is with you!
© Copyright 2010 Paula Eder, Ph.D.