Finding time is especially exhilarating when you change old self-defeating patterns at the same time! That way, not only do you find time today, but you ensure that you’ll continue to, as you replace those old habits with new ones that serve you better.
This-week-into-next we are exploring some of the paralyzing patterns that are created by what I call Guilt Myths.
Guilt Myths are not based in reality – that’s a key fact to remember. They are false AND they sap your energy and undermine your confidence. So, here’s another common distortion that’s helpful to banish from your repertoire:
“I can’t really redeem myself unless I spend all sorts of time making myself miserable.”
Self-punishment doesn’t fix anything. It will only hold you back and muddy the relationship or situation that you are trying to “fix”.
Whether you’ve made a mistake or pursued a time choice that was not to someone else’s liking, it’s important to reassure yourself that you can indeed survive someone’s appropriate anger. Simply apologize and take appropriate responsibility for your end; then, let things unfold.
Rather than punishing yourself, focus on learning helpful lessons, staying positive, and moving forward.
“I choose to feel good about myself at all times. I refuse to punish myself for mistakes. I promise myself that I will spend my time responsively and productively.”
As you ease up on yourself and weed out self-defeating patterns, you may discover that you let go of anger at others more readily, too. Accepting your shared humanity can feel like a huge relief!
So take good care of yourself, and use this 3-step, heart-based process anytime you’d like some extra support. It can help you relax the harsh standards you apply to yourself and to others, as well. By calling on your compassion, clarity, and courage, you kick that guilt to the curb and revitalize your outlook on life!
© Copyright 2011 Paula Eder, Ph.D.